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Category: Self-Love

  • How to Build Self Confidence

    How to Build Self Confidence

    Self-confidence is an elusive process, in part because of how we, as a society, have framed what confidence is. We’ve always sold it as an achievement. But the difference lies in a human doing and a human being. A human “doing” is looking for self-confidence (usually) externally. They don’t feel they’ve achieved it unless they’ve made a certain amount of money, bought a certain car, have a certain spouse. True self-confidence is a human “being.” This means the core of who I am is sound, and I believe and feel safe in myself regardless of external “doing” things.

    I thought pro sports would give me everything. I had to do a lot of work to discover self-confidence, so I’m sharing the 7 things I did and continue to do to get that human “being” sense. Let me be clear: I have days where I think I’m killing it and days I don’t. But, I always go back to these. I am perfectly imperfect, and I am confident and safe in who I am.

    1. Ask yourself, “what’s the smallest thing I can do at this moment.” I know this is a “doing” thing. Still, it’s important because ultimately, what gives us the most self-confidence is when we act within our morals, values, needs, wants, negotiable’s, and non-negotiable’s. When I take action on something central to my core being and don’t go against myself, I feel good about myself. I trust and believe in myself. Do something small to move you in the direction to gain the sense that you are of worth. When we don’t do these things, it’s because we don’t have confidence. Instead of looking at the full picture and being overwhelmed, break it down. Sometimes for me, it’s literally just getting out of bed or taking a shower. That at least moves me toward my authentic self.
    2. Find one thing you love about yourself. We all have something that, at our core, we really love. For me, I love my imperfections to be shown to me. If I am imperfect, I have an opportunity to grow and be better. The more mistakes I make, the more excited I get because I can grow.
    3. Learn to love the mirror. This may sound narcissistic, but virtually no one is comfortable looking in the mirror and smiling. People will shave or do their makeup in the mirror, but they aren’t even looking at themselves. They have no memory of seeing themselves. With true self-confidence, we can look in the mirror and be OK. I encourage you to start here and get comfortable seeing yourself. The mirror shows us our soul, so spend time in front of it, getting comfortable with saying, “I’m OK just as I am.”
    4. Learn to say no. We were all raised as kids to not say no, so we became people-pleasers and controllers. We give ourselves away because, ultimately, we don’t value ourselves. “No” is the most loving thing we can say to anyone. If we do something that goes against what we stand for, eventually, we will resent the person who asked us to do so. We’ll throw it in their face. It’s something we do to ourselves that we blame others for. Saying “no” lets us retain our value.
    5. See insults as a gift. I know this is a tough one, but it goes back to what I love about myself. When people critique me, it allows me to grow. I go into depth on this in my video of How to Turn Any Insult Into a Blessing – the single most important video I’ve done. If you watch any video of mine, it should be that one. An insult is a doorway to accepting ourselves fully and really building intimacy with others. This perspective changes your life forever.
    6. Become an expert in your imperfections and unhealed pain – this one changed my life. We all have pain in our life and from our childhood. The avoidance of pain creates more pain. For centuries we’ve been taught not to admit our pain and cover it over with false positivity. That’s not self-confidence. Self-confidence comes from the ability to look at our imperfections, face our pain, and accept all of us – every aspect. That’s why my life story is all over the internet – I admit I am a train wreck! I admit I am an expert in dysfunction, yet I have joy on my face. I make peace with it. That’s self-confidence. Make peace with your imperfections and pain, and you will have freedom. Most importantly, you will be a human being.
    7. Forgive yourself. The navigation of life is overwhelming, and we aren’t taught these skills and tools. In every moment of our life, we are always doing the best we can. As we know better, we can do better. We all have this experience where we know the right thing to do, but we can’t get ourselves to do it. So we end up not forgiving ourselves. But that just means we were on the journey and in the process. We knew what to do at the time, but we hadn’t turned the knowledge into a skill and the skill into a tool we can use. We are just on the journey. Eventually, we will take action on it. It was the best we could do at that moment, and that’s why we can forgive ourselves. It opens the door to accepting our imperfections (knowledge) which will allow us in the future to convert it into a skill and then a tool we can take action with.

    There are the 7 tips I have for self-confidence that I use for myself and pass onto clients. I’ve seen it work and I hope it helps you. Leave your comments: what do you do for self-confidence? What’s important to you?

    Enjoy The Journey!

    Kenny Weiss

    Would you like to develop the knowledge, skills, and tools to love and accept your perfect imperfections? If so, I have designed this masterclass just for you!

    Would you like to develop the knowledge, skills, and tools to love and accept your perfect imperfections? If so, I have designed this masterclass just for you!

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  • How To Feel Worthy

    How To Feel Worthy

    Today I’m going to look into where the feeling of unworthiness comes from. what it teaches us about ourselves, and how we turn it around into worthiness.

    I will be laying out this process in full disclosure:

    “stolen” from Dr. Gabor Mate. He and I are kindred spirits. He does a great job of laying things out beautifully, and I encourage you to look him up.

    While I’ve talked about all these concepts before, I will use his model because it’s effective and ultimately matters if you get great information.

    Before we start,

    I will give you a quote as a frame of reference – it will help you absorb the depth of what I’m going to discuss and make it more palatable. From A. H. Almaas,

    “Your conflicts, all the difficult things, the problematic situations in your life are not chance or haphazard.

    They are yours. They are specifically yours, designed specifically for you by a part of you that loves you more than anything else.

    The part of you that loves you more than anything else has created roadblocks to lead you to yourself. You are not going in the right direction unless something is pricking you in the side, telling you.

    ‘Look here! This way!’ That part of you loves you so much that it doesn’t want you to lose the chance.

    It will go to extreme measures to wake you up; it will make you suffer greatly if you don’t listen. What else can it do? That is its purpose.”

    This ties in with my entire belief system. Any “bad” situation is a gift.

    We are going to start with five questions that help you discover where this unworthiness comes from:

    1. What’s a recent time where you were upset with someone? Focus on it.
    2. What were your feelings at the time?
      What did they do?
      Apparently, this individual was unwilling to do anything.
    3. Are there other alternative reasons why they wouldn’t do it?
    4. What does this teach us about ourselves?

    To illustrate, I will give a story from my own life, from my second marriage.

    We were going through a difficult time – my ex-wife developed an emotional affair with a coworker. I requested we talk about it with our counselor.

    As I laid out my thoughts and feelings and told her it needed it to stop, she said it was my issue. She said I was codependent and had to get over it.

    She said she’d do the counseling for six months, and if I still struggle, it’s on me. What was my emotional reaction? Rejection, hurt, anger, frustration, neglected, unheard, unseen.

    What does it mean that she wouldn’t do these things for me? I felt unlovable and unworthy.

    I thought if this person cared, they would change! For me. Are there any other reasons? Besides me being unworthy? Of course.

    She had her own needs and wants. She had spent her childhood in poverty.

    so maybe it was an opportunity for her to get everything she wanted. Perhaps she was seeing her morals and values change. I could go on and on with these alternatives. And none of them have anything to do with me. The reasons almost always have nothing to do with you. We can pick the situation to learn about ourselves.

    Here are seven questions to help you navigate what it may be teaching you about yourself:

    1. Do you see we are reacting out of our perception of what reality is, not what reality truly is? My perception was I was neglected, but that wasn’t reality. My ex-wife was right; I was codependent.
    2. Do you see that we always choose the worst possible outcome in all these situations – one that says we are unworthy? This is because we choose a false reality.
    3. Do you see this process is automatic for all of us? We don’t think about it. It just happens! We immediately choose to be unworthy and neglected.
    4. That is trauma, a traumatic response from childhood. It shows how detached from reality we are. We keep reliving the trauma we never healed.
    5. Do you see this means we still do not believe we are worthy? Or worthy of being cared for? Again, it goes back to our childhood.

    Do you see it shows a lack of compassion for ourselves?

    1. Again, we are choosing the wrong reality that tells us we aren’t worthy. We always make it about ourselves and lack compassion.
    2. Do you see it shows we still have access to our true nature and authentic self, no matter how unworthy we feel? We can recognize as we go through this that our authentic self knows that we are the ones doing this to ourselves. Meaning we can heal it and get unstuck. We create the problem for ourselves and are stuck in the perception created for ourselves in childhood.
    3. Do you see it shows us that the problems in our life are there to heal us?

    Read through the quote again and think through the situation with my ex-wife.

    Do you see the reason I picked my ex-wife? It was to break me. The divorce and the withdrawal almost killed me. It was pricking me in the side, like in the quote.

    But, what was ultimately killing me in my life? The myriad of traumatic things in my childhood. And the one thing I wasn’t willing to let go of “control.”

    Finally, I realized the only way to survive was to let go of control and not know what would happen. That single choice was the final piece for me.

    Do I still shame myself? Of course! We all do. The journey never ends, and you don’t want it to end! These moments are a prick in my side to remind me to have compassion and love myself.

    That’s why we pick these people. That’s why these things happen in our lives. They bring us back to our worth.

    The three steps to regain worth are:

    1. We have to stop seeing these things as problems and instead as learning opportunities.
    2. Recognize whenever we feel unworthy that it’s just trauma from childhood. We all experience it.
    3. Choose to learn how to heal from childhood pain and change those subconscious messages replaying in these situations that make us the problem.

    We can all access our authentic selves. We don’t have to carry that pain anymore and making these choices guarantees access.

    Are you on the Journey to reclaiming your authentic self? I have developed masterclasses to help you achieve just that. TAKE A LOOK!

    Greatness U
    Guiding You To Be The Greatest Version of Yourself!
    The Greatness University Kenny Weiss

     

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    The Greatness University Kenny Weiss

     

  • 7 Signs Of High Self-Esteem

    7 Signs Of High Self-Esteem

    Welcome! Today I am breaking down the seven signs that someone has high self-esteem. So let’s jump right into it:

    1. We know what we value and believe. To do this: we must understand our needs and wants, morals and values, negotiables and nonnegotiable.
    2. We need a north star: something that provides direction, stability, balance, and framework to honor our self-worth. When we have these settings in place.
    3. we have a barometer for everything we do. This also allows us to live for our purpose and achieve our goals.
    4. It will enable us to say no to things that will divert us from everything we want, and it keeps us from going against our values and beliefs.
    5. We face our imperfections. People with high self-esteem believe inherently that talking about and addressing our perfect imperfections make us good, not bad.
    6. It increases our self-worth because we value honesty.

    We are all naturally in massive denial but don’t know we are .

    1. it’s a survival mechanism from childhood. In denial, there is no truth. If we see our perfect imperfections, we get truth and honesty.
    2. If I’m honest with myself, I love myself. We must become an expert in facing and embracing our imperfections . They are growth opportunities.
    3. We develop “bad traits” as survival mechanisms – they are part of us. We can’t banish them. Recovery is about integration, loving, and healing all aspects of ourselves. Shutting it out keeps us sick and broken.
    4. We will hear criticism without losing our core beliefs . we know who we are and are OK with that. We don’t put others down or judge them to put ourselves up.
    5. When people show me their darkness, I see their perfect imperfections. We all put people down sometimes – that’s a sign there’s still a part of us that doesn’t feel loved.And we should work on it.

    We take sole responsibility for our life outcomes.

    1. There is a phenomenon in our society of blaming others and playing the victim. We all determine our life outcomes. We all have roadblocks inherent in our makeup .
    2. That’s just life. With high self-esteem, we aren’t looking to blame or place the responsibility on others. Our choices have created the outcomes we experience.
    3. We must own them. We gain and learn new knowledge, skills, and tools to become better at overcoming roadblocks.

    I use a story in my book to illustrate this:

    1. imagine you’re walking down the street, and out of nowhere, you get shot.
    2. The person with low self-esteem would scream at the government or other people, saying it’s not their fault and it shouldn’t have happened to them.
    3. I agree. It shouldn’t have. But what they fail to recognize is they made thousands of choices that led them to that street at that time .
    4. you can’t divorce yourself from that. It doesn’t condone or let the sniper off the hook. But we have a choice. The alternative to crying and blaming is to ask for aid from others.
      Moments like these happen all the time in our personal and professional lives, as well as with our friends and family. In the end, we’re all responsible for pulling ourselves out of this predicament.
    5. No one else is. A person with high esteem takes ownership of all their life outcomes and wants to be the author of their own life.

    We embrace change.

    1. We recognize change is an opportunity to make us better and experience more joy. When we close ourselves off, we miss out on life.
    2. What is the most incredible experience in life? Hitting a roadblock and conquering it, right? Change is something I struggle with .
    3. it scares me from what happened in my childhood. In high school, I had been playing hockey, ready to come home for Christmas – so excited. My dad picked me up and said my mom had disappeared that day.
    4. Boom, out of nowhere, everything changed. I go home to my sister on the phone screaming at the police, begging them to find my mother.
    5. Change scares me because of this experience, and I have every reason to be scared. But my greatest blessings in life have come from confronting moments like that throughout my childhood.
    6. I get an opportunity to overcome that pain and reclaim myself. I get to put further distance from that pain and trauma.
    7. It brings me joy and possibility. When we don’t allow change, we stay stuck in those traumatic moments. If our life isn’t how we want it, we plan to make changes.

    Are you starting to see a theme?

    1. We have a healthy relationship outlook. Remember, we own that every person who comes into our lives is only there because we allow them into our lives.
    2. We recognize that we are responsible for any aspect of the relationship. We aren’t responsible for others choosing to be bad actors or mean, but we are accountable for allowing it into our lives.
    3. I ask myself, “what was it in me that attracted me to them?”
    4. And if I wasn’t aware they were like this, that is also about me. We need to gain more tools about human and relationship dynamics.
    5. People end up in bad relationships because they don’t have the knowledge, skills, and tools to look for specific characteristics. We have to take responsibility for it ourselves.
      Even while we don’t condone the mistreatment, we see it as an opportunity to grow and improve as a result of it.
      We devised a strategy to ensure that we take care of ourselves in all aspects of our lives. It is our responsibility, but we can accept and ask for help from others.
    6. Connection is a part of high esteem. We celebrate when those close to us are unavailable because we know we can do it ourselves.

    Relationships

    1. The relationships we see in our society of wanting someone who sees you as perfect and always supporting you are harmful.
    2. It’s an abusive fantasy of someone with low esteem waiting to be rescued. True love recognizes there are times in our life when our partners can’t be there.
    3. There’s an old fable where a girl asks her grandma how her marriage lasted so long.
    4. The grandma says she went to a pastor, and the pastor told them to each write down three things that no matter what, you will always forgive.
    5. The grandma said whenever the grandpa did something she didn’t like, she rolled her eyes and said it must’ve been one of the three things. This is a fable, but the sentiment is accurate.
    6. Typically, our partners will not always support us – and they shouldn’t when our behavior is poor! Taking care of ourselves should always be a priority.
      Our society has trained us all to be codependent, and we must realise this and devise a strategy to learn to develop beyond it.

    We take ownership and responsibility.

    1. We don’t need to be rescued. Some parents come to me concerned about their child’s relationship or marriage.
    2. The parent doesn’t realize that they are sending a message that they don’t believe in their child and only they the parent can save them.
    3. Is that the message we want to send? Let them figure things out on their own rather than intervening to save them.
      We have good lines of communication. We want to be open and honest with one other without fear of repercussions. Pain and imperfection are not taboo in our family.
      We know that rejection is a construct and not a true thing…
      We’ve never had a rejection. Low self-esteem manifests itself when we feel rejected since our value is placed in the hands of others. Someone with high self-esteem recognizes this and grows beyond it.

    We own our life when we have high self-esteem. Self-esteem is centered on being the author of our creation or destruction. It’s all an individual choice. And if we don’t know how to do it, we put a plan in place to gain the knowledge, skills, and tools to overcome the obstacles. We stop looking for things outside ourselves to fix the problem.

    There are thousands of choices we make to put ourselves in every life position. And once we learn that, we believe in ourselves to construct the best outcome.

    Are you looking to solidify your self-esteem? I have a masterclass that will provide you with the self-love, self-confidence, and self-esteem you deserve! Check it out!

    How To Love and Accept Your Perfect Imperfections
    The Greatness University Kenny Weiss

     

    If you prefer AUDIBLE, then this is for you!

    How To Love and Accept Your Perfect Imperfections (Audio ONLY)
    The Greatness University Kenny Weiss

     

  • 5 Habits That Damage Your Self-Confidence

    5 Habits That Damage Your Self-Confidence

    I find that many of us know what habits we can implement to maintain (or gain) self-confidence, but what about the things we do, maybe even unconsciously, that damage our self-confidence?

    Going Against Ourselves

    One of the main ways that we damage our self-confidence is by going against ourselves. Our confidence drops when we do things that we don’t want to do, and we find ourselves asking, “what am I doing? I don’t want to do this!”

    When we’re doing things that align with our morals and values, our needs and wants, our negotiables and non-negotiables, we’re walking in who we are.

    Our actions are the greatest determiner of our self-confidence.

    When you do those great things that you know you’re good at it. You’re like, “Man, I’m killing it today.” You walk taller. You walk smarter. You’re just more kind. You’re in your morals and values, your needs and wants negotiables, and non-negotiables.

    We all need a North Star to guide our behavior. And the more we follow those values in ourselves, the more self-confidence we have.

    Posture

    Our posture has a significant effect on how we think and feel about ourselves.

    For most people, their posture is, frankly, not very good. Just walk around. In addition look at how many people walk with their eyes down. Looking at the ground. Shoulders slumped, crossed over, standing there with their arms crossed.

    Above all, To instantly boost your self-confidence, get your shoulders back. Get your chin tucked in because I would tend to walk like this. And so I worked on it.

    And it’s incredible. You will feel a complete shift in your body. And for those of you, try it right now. Just try sitting up straight.

    Thinking vs. Feeling Positive

    Many of us also struggle with thinking positive vs. feeling positive. Similarly, we can say affirmations, but if we haven’t learned how to attach a feeling behind the words, the affirmations often don’t stick.

    The way our brain works, we feel, almost always, before we think. However, the key to an affirmation is to feel it. Not just think it or say it.

    With affirmations, it’s essential to focus on what feeling comes up in your body as you’re stating the affirmation in the present tense.

    If you’d like a copy of the Feelings Wheel to help you on your journey towards self-confidence, you can download one for free.

    Think Negative To Think Positive

    When we use positive thinking to mask the negative feelings we’re experiencing; we find ourselves unable to utilize that strategy because thinking can’t cover up the feeling – we have to let ourselves feel the underlying feeling first. No amount of thinking can help us skip that step.

    Doing the healing work to create a positive feeling that correlates to positive thinking is the answer to overcoming our negative feelings.

    To overcome our negative feelings, we have to realize what they are and where they originated from feeling positive. The best way to do this is to notice a negative thought or feeling that you commonly have. Sit in it for a moment, and as you think, ask yourself, what am I feeling? Where in my body am I feeling it? See what comes up.

    You can quickly jot this down in the notes section of your phone if you’re on the go. That way, when that thought reappears the next day or the next week, you can keep track of the feelings associated with that thought.

    As you become more aware of the feelings and the thoughts, you can grow your list as you start to write down as many negative thoughts and feeling patterns as you build a list of what you’re noticing.

    The second step is to plan 10-15 minutes of alone time and look at one negative thought and feeling pattern from the list. Then, while you ground yourself in your chair or where you are sitting, let the feelings come up, and then ask yourself, “When was the last time I felt these feelings?”

    Let whatever needs to come uprise to the surface of your awareness and write it down.

    Then, ask yourself, “When was the last time I felt this?” add the answer to your notes.

    Your questions will originate in childhood and bring up a specific memory of the actual event that created these negative thoughts and feelings.

    However once we know the original wounding, we can empower ourselves to give it back to where it came from. Usually, these are our primary caregivers, but not always; it could be a sibling, extended family, or a teacher.

    Those feelings and thoughts aren’t ours to carry anymore. Instead, we can visualize ourselves giving them back to the originator. As children, we lacked the appropriate boundaries and accepted the false truth as our truth, and it became part of us.

    But now we have the opportunity to no longer carry those negative thoughts and feelings with us into the present moment, and we can release ourselves and be free from the pain that we’ve been carrying for them all these years – it was never ours.

    It’s important to remember that we must think negatively to think positively. If we try and override negative thoughts with positive ones without focusing on the negative feelings we are trying to cover up, we can create dis-ease and illness in our bodies.

    Not Saying No

    Not saying no is one of the most significant habits we all have. When we don’t say no, we relive those childhood feelings when we weren’t allowed to say no. In other words when we use what we learned in the last habit to give back our parents’ feelings, we don’t have to carry it anymore.

    Conclusion

    When we stay true to our morals and values, needs and wants, negotiables and non-negotiables, our confidence skyrockets; if we find ourselves saying yes when we want to say no, then our confidence can plummet. These habits take time to build, so remember to give yourself grace at being perfectly imperfect as you implement them into your journey of self-confidence.

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    Are You Tired of Feeling Like You’re Not Good Enough?

    Do you feel like no one will ever love or accept you unless you are perfect?

    You are not alone. We’ve all felt this way at some point in our lives. For instance, it doesn’t have to be this way. It is possible to overcome these feelings and live a life full of self-love and acceptance.

    Learn the seven characteristics of high self-love and how it can change your life for the better. In addition, Stop feeling lonely, rejected, or like an outsider in this world.

    This masterclass provides the knowledge, skills, and tools for overcoming low self-esteem and accepting who we are as individuals – flaws included!

    By the end of the class, participants will learn to take control of their lives by learning a simple process to stop negative thoughts.

    That same process will show you how to turn feelings of loneliness, rejection, and emotional wounds from the past into unshakeable self-confidence.

    The result is an individual who feels confident in themselves while also embracing their perfect imperfections.

    Imagine how exciting it will be to embrace change without fear; take risks with ease; communicate your needs and wants decisively, and simply shrug off attempts by others to judge or criticize you.

     

    Get started on changing your life today by signing up for our online masterclass “How To Love And Accept Your Perfect Imperfections!” TODAY!

    How To Love and Accept Your Perfect Imperfections
    The Greatness University Kenny Weiss