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Category: Mindset

  • ⭐Hey You Chase Love (And They Pull Away)

    ⭐Hey You Chase Love (And They Pull Away)

    “You don’t chase them because you love them.
    You chase them because your childhood taught you that love runs away.”

    “You’re not pursuing a partner — you’re pursuing the parent who couldn’t choose you.”

    THE MOMENT YOU START CHASING

    Let’s start with the exact moment it happens.

    Someone pulls away —
    maybe a text slows down,
    their tone shifts,
    the energy changes,
    they turn distant,
    or they say “I just need space.”

    Instantly your body:

    • goes into panic
    • your chest tightens
    • your stomach drops
    • your mind races
    • you replay every interaction
    • you start fixing, soothing, chasing
    • you send the long text
    • you over-explain
    • you apologize even when you did nothing wrong
    • you start “performing”
    • you try to become the version of you they’ll choose

    But what you call chasing…

    …is actually your fear hijacking your nervous system.

    This is NOT about them.
    This is not even about adult you.

    This is your unseen childhood wound screaming:

    “DON’T LEAVE ME.”

    THE REAL EMOTIONAL BLUEPRINT BEHIND CHASING

    Chasing doesn’t begin in adulthood.

    Chasing begins the exact moment you learned:

    • love was inconsistent
    • love was unpredictable
    • love was conditional
    • love disappeared
    • love had to be earned
    • love pulled away the moment you needed it
    • love chose work, addiction, siblings, religion, stress, or silence over you

    Chasing love is not a behavior.
    It is a childhood role.

    Here are the five childhood conditions that create adult “chasers”:

    1. YOU GREW UP WITH AN EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE CAREGIVER

    You learned connection comes through pursuit.

    2. YOU LEARNED TO EARN LOVE THROUGH PERFORMANCE

    Achievement = attention.
    Obedience = connection.

    It was all about what you did, how well you did it, and NOT about who you are.

    Your Achievement and Obedience are what got you attention and connection.

    3. YOU WERE THE EMOTIONAL CARETAKER

    Your worth and value came from emotionally fixing, soothing, & stabilizing them

    4. YOU LIVED IN CONFUSION

    Your worth and value came from emotionally fixing, soothing, & stabilizing them

    5. YOU NEVER FELT CHOSEN

    So you lived in the background, like the family pet at the dinner table, yearning for head scratches and any leftover scraps of love.

    So, your adult chasing is simply: Your childhood trying to finish a story it never got to complete.

    THE TRAUMA CHEMISTRY LOOP

    This part is critical.

    Your brain is formed by your emotional experiences as a child, and those experiences create an emotional blueprint we take into adulthood. Id you are a chaser, your brain became addicted to the emotional chemicals produced by:

    • distance
    • unpredictability
    • inconsistency
    • hope + fear cycles
    • intermittent reinforcement
    • longing
    • unreliability

    This emotional cycle of ups and downs is identical to what casinos use.

    Your brain gets dopamine not from love…

    …but from the chase. As a child, you pulled the metaphorical emotional safety and love slot machine handle every day, anxious to see what you were going to get from your caregivers.

    Like the gambler, you were desperate to win. And you are still desperate to win. That is why you keep picking people who mirror the emotional environment of your childhood.

    Now you know why:

    • The avoidant feels magnetic
    • The unavailable feels intoxicating
    • The distant feels “deep”
    • The stable feels boring
    • The present feels unsafe
    • The consistent feels foreign

    Your nervous system isn’t seeking love.

    Your nervous system is seeking what it survived.

    That is because our brains are designed to repeat what they already know emotionally. It follows the emotional blueprint of what we experienced as children. This is what I call The Worst Day Cycle.

    THE WORST DAY CYCLE BEHIND CHASING

    Let’s break it down:

    TRAUMA

    The moment a caregiver didn’t choose you.
    Your blueprint has been formed, which sends you into stage two.

    FEAR

    Your brain and body become chemically addicted to the emotional state of chasing. And the chasing sends you into stage three. SHAME

    You internalize:

    • “If I were enough, they would stay.”
    • “I’m the reason they pull away.”
    • “I need to fix myself.”
    • “I’m unlovable unless I earn it.”

    SHAME

    Your emotional blueprint becomes internalized with mantras like:

    • “If I were enough, they would stay.”
    • “I’m the reason they pull away.”
    • “I need to fix myself.”
    • “I’m unlovable unless I earn it.”
    • So you only have one option. To get any emotional scraps from the dinner table of love,
      you have to cast off your authentic self, redefine what is hurtful, and call it love.
    • Now, the only way you can achieve that and protect yourself from the overwhelming
      emotional pain you are experiencing is to move to stage four.

    DENIAL

    This is where the child you came up with a brilliant life-saving strategy. To protect your authentic self from the pain and loss of care, you create a protective persona of:

    • the fixer, and the giver
    • the perfect partner
    • the calm one
    • the stable one
    • the one who always forgives
    • And the emotionally responsible one

    You chase because your childhood emotional blueprint persona learned that the only way to survive was to chase.

    It’s not who you are —
    it’s who you became to survive.

    WHY YOU CAN’T STOP CHASING EVEN WHEN YOU KNOW BETTER

    You can’t stop because your nervous system was programmed to interpret distance as danger.
    Withholding = abandonment
    Silence = rejection
    Space = disconnection

    So when someone pulls away, your body doesn’t think:

    “Maybe they’re busy.”

    Your body thinks:

    I’m losing love.
    I’m losing worth.
    I’m losing safety.

    Fear takes over,

    Shame floods your system,
    your adult self disappears,
    and your childhood wound starts frantically pulling on the slot machine handle, desperate to win love, finally

    So, you see, you’re not chasing THEM.

    You’re chasing the FEELING of being chosen.

    THE CHILD YOU LEFT BEHIND

    Now here is the tough truth that most people won’t tell you.

    The adult who’s chasing isn’t really you. It is the hurt, unhealed parts of you.
    Depending on your specific childhood environment, it might be

    • the 5-year-old who felt invisible
    • the 7-year-old who never felt picked
    • the 9-year-old who earned approval through perfection as a student or athlete
    • the 12-year-old who emotionally soothed your parent after the divorce
    • the child who learned their needs were inconvenient
    • the child who believed:
      “If I can just be good enough, they will finally choose me.”

    So every time your partner withdraws…

    …your inner child jumps forward and says:

    “I can fix this.
    I can be better.
    I can make them stay.”

    That child STILL doesn’t know you survived.
    Still doesn’t know you’re an adult now.
    Still doesn’t know love can be safe.

    What that means is that chasing is your child trying to rewrite history and find someone to be the caregiver and caretaker of your abandoned heart.

    So, how do you stop the chasing pattern? You can’t do it with superficial strategies that treat the symptoms, like Emotional Intelligence but only with TRUE emotional reprogramming that heals the core.

    The process you are looking for is the Authentic Self Cycle, which is built on developing Emotional Authenticity. That is because Emotional Intelligence has you focus on your emotions today, not the root, the place where all emotions and feelings are learned, childhood, only Emotional Authenticity does that.

    So let’s begin with the Authentic Self Cycle and step one…

    HOW TO STOP CHASING

    Here is how you stop the chasing pattern — not the superficial version, but the TRUE emotional reprogramming: The Authentic Self Cycle

    1. TRUTH

    Identify the original moment you felt:

    “I’m not chosen.”

    This is the root wound behind every chase. This is a critical step because it breaks the wall of denial and exposes the false persona your emotional blueprint had to choose to survive.

    2. RESPONSIBILITY

    Not blame. Not shame. You did the best you could with what you knew at the time.
    So responsibility looks like….

    “This survival pattern kept me safe.
    And now it’s time to let it go.” And I will do that by committing to a process and plan of healing.

    3. HEALING — This is where the Emotional Authenticity Method comes in

    It shows you how to rewire the chasing response by:

    • Showing you how to reparent your inner child and become the parent who chooses you.
      And when you do that, you can…
    • break the shame story
    • heal the fear-based chemical addiction
    • Confront the emotional memory your body is still carrying
    • Create emotional safety inside your own nervous system
    • Teach your body that stability = safety
    • Build tolerance for consistent love

    When you become the parent you needed for yourself, safety becomes familiar, and chasing becomes unnecessary. And the combination of the first three steps leads you into

    4. FORGIVENESS

    Forgiveness is not about focusing on the partner you chased.

    Forgiveness is about the child who had to chase love to survive.

    Forgiveness is the moment you can be the parent to your wounded child and say:

    “I appreciate you for coming up with such a brilliant strategy. You are so smart and so capable, to have figured out how to survive.

    But I want you to know I am here now. It is my job and my promise to you is that I will work every day to become the parent you needed so you can feel safe and not feel like you have to take over anymore. You no longer need to earn love; I will give you all of mine.”

    YOUR JOURNEY TO BEING YOURSELF

    Let’s wrap this up.

    I hope you can now see that when you use the 4 Pillars of the Authentic Self Cycle, through the emotional authenticity method, what you discover that…

    “You do not chase because you’re needy.
    You chase because your childhood taught you that love disappears.”

    But…. More importantly. You deserve to be chosen not by others, but by yourself.”

  • How To Embrace The Fear Of Change

    How To Embrace The Fear Of Change

    Many of us are afraid of change. Whether it’s a new job, a new relationship, or even going to the grocery store for the first time in months. In today’s Best Day Blog article and attached video, I will show you how to embrace the fear of change in three simple steps!

    Why do we fear change?

    Anything that we haven’t seen, tasted, touched, felt, or smelled before will instantly trigger the fear response. This means that any time there is a change or you want to try something new; it is normal to be somewhat afraid. We will all have the fight or flight response triggered when we face new experiences. There’s nothing we can do to stop this natural reaction from happening. However, there are many things we can do to learn how to quiet fear and embrace change. 

    The first step to embracing change

    The first thing to recognize is we all have to experience the unknown in our lives. I know this can be extremely scary, and I, myself, have many experiences of this, one of which I distinctly remember. When I turned 18 years old, I left my home in Colorado to play junior hockey in Canada. This was my first time experiencing traveling on my own and a forty-six-hour bus journey. I was leaving the comfort of what I knew, the people I knew, and the customs that I knew. I spent most of that bus ride in tears. But I knew that the only way to conquer that fear was to get on the bus and learn. I had to lean into the fear. 

    To overcome fear, we have to turn into fear. Importantly, our brain doesn’t know the difference between something good for us or something bad for us; all it knows is whether it knows the experience or not. If not, there will be fear. So, to embrace change, we have to turn those things we’ve never done before into a known experience – we can’t skip this step. 

    Fear is always ear is one of these three things:

    1. The fear of rejection
    2. The fear of inadequacy – we don’t have the skills, tools, or knowledge to do something.
    3. The fear of powerlessness

    In my experience, I was fearful of being rejected – by new friends, by being an American in Canada, of being inadequate- not being skilled enough to play, and of being powerless – over losing old friends, my girlfriend, and the journey itself. 

    To learn more about the deep intricacies of fear and to overcome each one specifically, I have a 5-part series on my YouTube channel which will take you through my R.I.P. strategy. This video series provides you with a simple process to identify which fear you are experiencing and the steps to calm your fears. 

    Furthermore, I created a free download How To Remove Feeling Rejected which walks you through a simple ten-step process to never experience the feeling of rejection again.

    How to embrace change?

    Have grace for yourself and how long change takes. As adults, we all expect change to happen quickly, but I want to remind you of how long change actually takes. When I ask people how long it might take them to write a one-page essay, most reply one-three hours. I then remind them that it took them almost twelve years. I know that seems hard to believe, so let me remind you. Think about it. What’s the first thing you are taught at preschool? The alphabet! We first had to learn how to make each individual letter- the way they move and their different variations. 

    Then we had to learn how to combine these letters into words and their proper spelling and group words into a sentence. Punctuation and the different meanings words have when placed in different parts of the sentence. Then we move on to paragraphs, which eventually turn into stories. The stories of our lives. If you recall, it was not until you were in senior in high school that you could effectively combine all of these new tasks into a well-written essay. Therefore, remind yourself that we all start at preschool with every new challenge, no matter your age. Change takes time. Have grace for the pre-schooler in you at all times. 

    How to embrace change in three simple steps: 

    -To recognize that everything we do requires change. Fear can’t be avoided. We can’t avoid the fight or flight response. We must choose to turn towards change and fear, and by doing so, we create a known experience that quiets our fear. 

    -Secondly, remember that fear is always either the fear of inadequacy, rejection, or powerlessness. To learn more, you will want to watch my Youtube video series, and read the free download I mentioned above.  

    -Thirdly, remember to have grace with yourself. So often, as adults, we expect to be able to write the story straight away – without learning the individual letters, words, sentences, and paragraphs – we put too much pressure on ourselves to know everything. This isn’t realistic, and you wouldn’t expect a preschooler to know how to write the alphabet on the first day of school – you’d celebrate them for trying! Love and honor yourself as you would the preschooler, embrace your perfect imperfections, and embrace change. 

    To learn more:

    Watch the video version of this article below. To gain a deep understanding of fear, check out my five-part video series on Youtube and my free download, How To Remove Feeling Rejected I mentioned above. To go even deeper, pick up a copy of my book, Your Journey, To Success. I dedicate a complete chapter to explaining what fear is. The rest of the book provides you with the process of becoming fearless. 

    [embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPV_nWV2XvY[/embedyt]

  • Depression Solutions Without Medication

    Depression Solutions Without Medication

    Depression Solutions Without Medication

    Depression is a debilitating condition that affects millions of Americans. If you’re feeling the burden of depression, today’s Best Day Blog article will provide you with depression solutions without medication. Make sure to check out the in-depth video linked at the bottom.

    In it, we’ll discuss tips and tricks to help those dealing with depression or living with anxiety cope in their day-to-day life. These strategies for coping will work whether you have depression, anxiety, PTSD, or another mental or emotional illness. Unfortunately, in almost all cases, depression medication doesn’t solve depression. In many, it makes the depression worse, and in almost all cases, when coming off it, this is undoubtedly so.

    Medication only medicates the symptoms, but it doesn’t deal with the root cause – and this goes for all depression medications, of which many work only on a psychosomatic basis. There can also be significant negative side effects from depression medication, so you’re in the right place to look for real solutions and answers.

    There are several contributing factors to the issues with depression treatment: problems in the medical community and problems with the way we look at treating mental and emotional health. 

    What are some of the myths and facts about depression?

    Modern research into how the brain works shows us that the way we feel and think creates our biology, which means the old adage that faulty brain chemistry creates depression is mostly wrong. You might be genetically predisposed, but that does not mean it is predetermined. It takes faulty feeling and thinking to trigger that gene of depression to activate. One of the medical issues is that it only looks at biology – take this anecdote as a way of explaining this:

    A car has many different components that make it run smoothly – an engine, tires, windows, batteries, oil, gas, clutches, etc. – but using the anecdote of the car in medicine, they only look at the engine. If the car has a flat tire, prescribing a pill would be akin to ‘Put more gas in the tank!’ rather than looking at the actual issue causing the car to run dysfunctionally. The car will still run, but the root cause of the issue has not been addressed. Pills are not always the most effective treatment for depression. They might be an initial starting point so a person can begin addressing unhealed emotional pain’s root cause.  

    Why won’t your doctor tell you this? Medical research and medical schools are funded by huge pharmaceutical companies, meaning that most doctors are trained to become simply a ‘pill mill.’

    How does illness happen?

    Illness happens when cells break down and cells have receptors. Think of it like the texture of an orange, all the little bumps. Those bumps are the receptors. If there are 1 million receptors on the cell, depression might only 500 of those receptors. Sadly, medication doesn’t just attach to the “depressed” receptors. It attaches to ALL of the receptors This is what causes significant side effects and leads to an activation of the ‘healthy’ cells unnecessarily. So now, all of the latent conditions that may be sitting in the cell receptors that weren’t activated become activated and cause other issues on top of the one you were initially trying to deal with. This leads to further prescribed medication and the start of a long journey of living in a medicated state – this isn’t helpful for a happy and healthy life. 

    Health needs to be bio-psycho-social, a holistic approach that understands that our health isn’t predetermined. We must start bringing in the psychological and emotional factors that create our medical conditions because stored emotional energy creates illness. This is what Candace Pert talks about in her book ‘Molecules of Emotion’, stating ‘If you look underneath your depression, you’ll find anger, If you look underneath your anger, you’ll find sadness, and under sadness is the root of it all – what’s really masquerading all the while – fear.’

    Where did we learn to be afraid?

    Childhood. We’ve all been through perfectly imperfect parenting, and while many believe their childhoods were perfect, it’s not true. Every single one of us has been through levels of shame and trauma, even when a parent was trying their hardest with our upbringing. We are all human. We all make many daily mistakes, even loving parents. Parents are not perfect, and those imperfections leave lasting wounds. Depression results from attempting to minimize, justify and ignore this fact and truth.

    But what happens to a child experiencing that? Alice Miller has several books that provide a deeper understanding that at the heart of this depression is the inability to express emotions. In ‘The Body Never Lies,’ she says. “The point is that the fatigue characteristic of such depression reasserts itself every time we repress strong emotions when we play down the memories stored in the body and refuse them the attention they clamor for.”

    We are depressed because we have suppressed, repressed, minimized, and ignored the anger, sadness, and pain of our childhood. Almost everyone is told growing up that it is not okay for you to be a child, to be imperfect, to feel – most often, children are told to shut down their feelings. 

    The Solutions For Depression

    If you’re here reading this, you know medication has not solved this for you. Because you’ve lived it and know the truth, let’s get to the solutions. 

    Depression Solution Number One:

    Pick up Beverly Engel’s book ‘The Emotionally Abusive Relationship.’ This will help those who are finding it difficult to stomach the truth that you learned this in childhood. Most likely, you may not be aware of what creates perfectly imperfect and dysfunctional parenting. This book will help you understand the different parenting styles and learn more about how they impact you today.

    Depression Solution Number Two:

    Purchase Alice Miller’s books ‘Free From Lies: Discovering Your True Needs.’ ‘The Drama of the Gifted Child, and ‘The Body Never Lies. These three books will help you to discover how the trauma from your childhood is the cause of your depression. 

    It has been proven that genes do not predetermine our life.  The emotional environment the gene is placed into that triggers and activates a gene to ‘switch on and create illness. Therefore, healing depression requires developing new tools, skills, and knowledge to create a new emotional environment to change the cell’s genetic makeup.

    Depression Solution Number Three:

    Go to this link to access my free resources on my website. Look at the Feelings Wheel and the ‘10 Simple Steps to Heal Emotional Pain’. These will help you become an expert in Emotional Authenticity. Understanding how these emotions create biology, realizing that you cannot change depression with THOUGHT! You can only change it with emotion.

    So use the feelings wheel to track your feelings for the next few days. Start with tracking how you feel and where in your body you’re feeling it 3-5 times a day. We store emotional trauma within our body physically, which leads to illness. Becoming aware of where it is in your body will really help.

    Ask yourself when the first time you had this feeling was. Can you remember and trace it back to childhood – that moment you experienced the sentinel feeling? These emotional expressions have been diminished, and part of the healing journey is learning to express these emotions healthily. 

    My ‘10 Simple Steps to Heal Emotional Pain download walks you through the complete healing journey. It gets to the core solution rather than attempting to medicate the symptoms. 

    My video ‘How to Release Emotional Pain’ works together with the above printout. 

    These three free resources will help you to get off the medication and deal with the source of the problem. 

    [embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFAB-7OmkVo[/embedyt]

  • Three Mental Health Awareness Tips

    Three Mental Health Awareness Tips

    It’s no secret that more and more people are struggling with mental health issues these days, and frankly, most people do not see results when they try to address this. So in today’s Best Day Blog article, I’m going to share three counterintuitive tips to train your mental health awareness.

    What’s the first thing we’re all trying to achieve? A life with no pain. And how do we try to do that? By trying to cancel out anything and everything that could cause pain! And this is the problem! The problem with the mental health industry is that they are trying to get you to avoid pain when in fact, the solution is quite the opposite – we must become experts in seeking out pain – let’s get into that.

    1- Seek Out Pain and Become an Expert

    Don’t believe me? Let me share three reasons why this is the key to your positive mental health journey. Firstly, what does every CEO, athlete, politician, actor/actress – anyone who has ever achieved anything significant – tell you about how they achieved it? More often than not, it’s a huge, painful event in their life that led them to figure out a solution – their pain led them to success.

    The problem is that once you’ve been through an experience like this, most people say that they would never want their kids to experience that sort of pain! This is incredibly ironic because they know that they only got to where they are today because of the experience and growth that came from their distress. Of course, it is not the intent to stop people from growing and being successful, but what people don’t realize is that by shielding yourself from pain, you are stunting your growth and development and may never reach your full potential.

    As well as this, it is simply not realistic. The solution to life always has, and always will be, to conquer our pain. The world suffers because no one has taught us how to deal with it.

    The story of Jesus is the perfect example of this and also an example of a misunderstanding of the message being shared. Jesus is revered as, in many religions and cultures, the ideal person being under the watchful eye of God Almighty. However, even under God’s guidance, Jesus suffered horrifically but was able to move through his pain and was still viewed as perfect, as someone who never made a mistake. This pain all leads him to be nailed to the cross, and at this moment, he shouts ‘”My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’. At this moment, Jesus had admitted the truth, that even he did not believe in his Father, in God, and that he had to have a cataclysmic event to see the truth – the solution was to admit that even he did not trust his Father. The moment he did, he was able to surrender to the cross and rise again.

    Whether you are agnostic or atheist, the same is true. The resurrection happens for all of us when we get to the other side of the pain, yet everyone avoids pain at any cost. However, you cannot become an expert until you learn Emotional Authenticity and how to journey through the pain (not around it). My book ‘Your Journey to Success‘ takes you through this journey and shows you how to face your pain.

    The pills and medicine and advancements in medical care are not helping. On the contrary, the mental health crisis is getting worse – because we keep teaching people not to face their pain. The bottom line is this – for every person who has ever succeeded, the happiest moment of their life was when they conquered what they were struggling with. As such, the solution is not to deny pain. It is to embrace it.

    It’s time to develop the knowledge, skills, and tools to help you navigate your pain. Find teachers and experts that provide you with these. Anyone who claims to be an expert but tells you to run from the pain is a person to be avoided! It would be best to have a teacher who will show you how to go through it and become an expert in overcoming it.

    2- Weight is about pain.

    Weight management would seem to be a physical thing – something you manage by eating in balance and moving your body, but so many people don’t understand that weight is about pain. Dr. Felitti started a study on people who would yoyo in their weight repeatedly and figured out that people eat because they are in pain. Much like medication, food is used to alleviate symptoms. However, neither heals the root cause of internal issues. A research patient said to Felitti,’ you know we eat because we’re in pain?’ and the Adverse Childhood Experience study was born from that moment on.

    The study has been replicated multiple times worldwide with the same results, and those results show that nearly 70% of us have been through childhood trauma and, of that, almost 70%, 88% of them have been through 2 or more experiences of childhood trauma. The problem is that no one talks about this or the side effects of this trauma on us. As such, no one has the knowledge, skills, or tools to deal with it proactively and productively. So instead, many try to medicate it away will food and medications.

    So, the counterintuitive step number two is that we need to become emotionally literate to work with the pain. Most people don’t even know what childhood trauma is – from simple, unintentional abandonment to catastrophic abuse. Almost everybody has experienced trauma of some sort that is, on the whole, unhealed. Studies have shown that up to 70% of adults don’t even feel. They are not in touch with what’s happening inside them, and to the childhood trauma they are carrying around – they are detached.

    This unhealed trauma the majority of people carry causes people to binge eat, drink too much, and generally live unhealthy lives and make unhealthy choices. It’s childhood trauma. It’s not mental health awareness. It’s our feelings that we’re struggling with! We are sad, anxious, depressed, or low – these are all healthy feelings to feel. We can start healing when we can label them as feelings rather than the more obscure or often-stigmatized ‘mental health.’ In my opinion, the struggle is with emotional health – it’s not mental health.

    The Scales of Injustice

    We create what I call the Scales of Injustice because we won’t admit what things are – i.e., calling fear – stress, and emotional health – mental health. On one side, we are all in massive denial because we won’t deal with the truth. When we are not in the truth, we don’t know who we are, so the other side of the scale is low self-esteem. None of us want to admit our true feelings to ourselves, let alone others, and none of us have the self-love and self-esteem to face up to what is the truth.

    As such, addiction, obesity, gambling, illness, and disease are all on the rise. If we could face our denial and tell the truth- ‘I’m scared,’ or ‘I’m feeling inadequate’ – look at what happens. Our self-esteem rises because we can admit that we have weaknesses and perfect imperfections. Truth creates justice.

    Emotional Authenticity creates the truth we need by showing us how to admit that we have feelings and stop sugar-coating those feelings with ambiguity.

    3- Become Negative to Be Truly Positive

    False positivity is not the answer. Studies have shown that if you tell a depressed person to use affirmations, for example, their depression skyrockets – it has the opposite effect – because it is a lie. The Scales of Injustice are swayed towards denial and, therefore, low self-esteem.

    Yes, depression is a chemical imbalance, but the chemical imbalance most often comes from childhood trauma that has never been healed. The repeated firing of the emotional trauma is what causes depression, as well as anxiety – this is what the ACE study by Dr. Felitti shows. However, we are not making progress because we’re not talking about the real issue – that childhood trauma is at the heart of all of this. Instead, with each year, we become more obese and more drugged.

    With Emotional Authenticity, a person can get excited about feeling the pain! Because when you face it head-on, you grow the most. So you start to look forward to uncovering new parts of yourself and conquering things you could never have before. You then create a new definition and relationship with pain – this is a massive part of the mindfulness movement, an understanding that you can allow pain to flow through you and let it go, rather than resisting and denying it.

    To continue avoiding pain is to aid in escalating addiction, health problems, illness, and diseases. So instead, learn Emotional Authenticity and learn to navigate pain, remembering that going through the pain will teach you much more than hiding from it. Once you’ve done this, you’ll no longer worry about pain, you’ll no longer avoid it, and your life will change for the better.

    Are you looking for more solutions? Pick the one that suits your needs best!

    1- My book, Your Journey To Success

    2- My Complete Emotional Authenticity Method

    3- My Perfectly Imperfect Private Group

    4- My Private Coaching

    Learn more here:

    [embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41qt0h3aqao[/embedyt]

  • How To Forgive Yourself

    How To Forgive Yourself

    Are you sick and tired of now knowing how to forgive yourself? I truly believe that nobody deserves to live with that sort of pain, so I will share two different ways to help heal your heart and soul by releasing the guilt and shame you feel.

    We’re all perfectly imperfect, and learning how to embrace this, along with the tips I’m going to give you in today’s Best Day Blog article, will help you start the journey of forgiveness to have a happier life!

    How to start forgiving

    Firstly, I recommend thinking of your favorite animal! What animal do you love – a cat, a dog, a rabbit, a horse? I love Labrador puppies – to me, they are soft, cuddly, and filled with unbridled joy! Picture taking the animal of your choice as a youngster, chaining it up, and leaving it outside. Never touching it or petting it, or providing that baby animal any food, water, love, or sense of care. If you did this to this sweet, innocent animal and mistreated it day after day, what do you think would happen to it? What do you think it would do?

    It would attack you because it has no sense of being cared for, nurtured, and treated with respect. This analogy is very much what you are doing by not forgiving yourself. You’re chaining yourself up and starving yourself of the love, attention, and care you deserve. Your lack of forgiveness is like mini attacks on your soul.

    Forgiveness tip #1 Touch

    For the puppy and you to recover from this mistreatment, you need touch and kind words. If you have been starving yourself of love, affection, and kindness because you can’t forgive yourself for your perfect imperfection, then hug yourself. Depending on how severe your lack of love has been, this may be difficult for you. If you’re not ready to give this to yourself, try getting a massage to introduce this sensation of touch or ask someone close to you to provide you with a hug. If even this is too much, start by simply placing one hand on top of the other in a loving manner and then recognize that the way you’ve been talking to yourself is starving you and leaving you neglected.

    A pervasive example of how you might be chaining yourself up is to blame yourself for how you allowed yourself to get into and stay in a toxic relationship. During the relationship, maybe you experienced physical – neglect or abuse? Now that that relationship is over, you might struggle to forgive yourself for not leaving or ignoring your initial gut feeling? If that sounds like you, guess what? You’re now abusing yourself – you’ve taken on the role of the abuser. When we can’t forgive ourselves, we have chosen to be our abusers.

    So make a new choice now and start the journey to forgiveness. Treat yourself as you would your favorite animal who had been starved of loving care.

    Forgiveness tip #2 Don’t play God!

    Whether you are spiritually minded, this next tip still holds. By not forgiving yourself, you are placing yourself above God. One of the most fundamental underpinnings for many religions is that we are always forgiven no matter what we have done. So, to believe that what we did is unforgivable implies that we know better than God! If the thought of placing yourself in a God-like position goes against your values, this truthful perspective should snap you right into the ability to forgive yourself.

    It’s essential to recognize that there is nothing you did to deserve being chained up and treated as a neglected animal. So today is the day to set yourself free and remove the chain. Give yourself kind love, words, and touch, and nurture yourself. Let the tears stream as you set yourself free and recognize that you are worthy of love, care, and acceptance from everyone and everything.

    Click here to learn 3 simple ways to love yourself!

    Additional solutions:

    4- My Private Coaching

    To learn more, watch the video here:

    [embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2qMyHsITrc[/embedyt]

  • How To Avoid Suffering

    How To Avoid Suffering

    Suffering is a natural part of life but it doesn’t have to be your entire life. In today’s Best Day Blog article, I’ll share three ways that can help you avoid suffering so you can live a happier, more fulfilling life!

    Step 1- Acceptance

    When it comes to suffering the first step is to accept it! The journey of life is a journey of learning how to get better at handling our suffering. Therefore, complete acceptance is the first key to overcoming it. Accepting that we’re codependent, we attract narcissists, we medicate with pills, food, pot, relationships, whatever it may be, but committing to no longer shaming ourselves for being perfectly imperfect is the first key step. Drop the ‘shoulds’ and ‘coulds.’ ‘I should stop eating too much,’ ‘I should exercise more’ etc. What if, for now, you just accepted that this is how you are and release the pressure and shame for a moment? The truth of the matter is at this moment you are doing the best you can. If you were really capable of doing more you would. Learn to accept the level of perfect imperfection you are currently operating in.

    Underneath, you may not be completely ok with it, but it has not risen to a level where you are ready to make a change.  Until that starts to shift and becomes more weighted the other way, learn to accept yourself for where you are in your journey.

    Step 2- Stop Avoiding

    The second step is to consciously admit that for a period of time we can all be somewhat comfortable living in a way that doesn’t align with our morals and values. The things we do that go against our moral compass and leave us feeling less than loving inside – the overeating, the addiction, the bad relationships – are being used as a tool to avoid what’s underneath. We do these because we fear pursuing the change will cause more suffering than the negative act we are using to cover up our pain.

    The biggest realization I had, and that you can have too, is that it’s the avoidance of pain that creates the pain. This links in with my 5 stages of grief, the first 3 stages of which many people will live their entire lives are shock and denial, bargaining, and then anger. Many will ruminate in the first three stages in order to avoid the final two steps, depression and acceptance.

    This is where the true pain lies and this is where the suffering is. We use the bad habits and addictions in order to avoid the suffering that is in step 4, but everything we are using to cope is, in fact, creating more of it.

    If you feel as though facing the depression and the trauma is too much, you may be projecting onto the depression the idea of it being ‘too big.’ This is normal but it is not true. Sadly, the only way we discover that it is false is by committing to face it. Once we do, that is when we understand the concept of the avoidance of pain creates the pain.

    Step 3- Go right at the suffering?

    Go right at the heart of the suffering.

    When we go towards the pain we discover that often, it’s not as painful as we thought it would be. The amount of joy that can be found in the suffering, once we’ve worked through it, is much, much more than ever could be found in the avoidance. Often, underlying our avoidance is how scared we are to love ourselves – that’s our greatest fear.  A poem by Maryanne Williamson explains this better than anything I’ve ever heard, here is an excerpt from her poem:

    Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves who am I to be brilliant gorgeous talented and fabulous? Actually who are you not to be all of those things you’re playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel unsure around you. We were born to make manifest the greatness that is within all of us. It is not in just some of us, it is in everyone. As we let our own light shine we consciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

    That is petrifying! To end suffering we have to accept how great we are. That is the journey of life – to make manifest the greatness that lies inside all of us. To admit and acknowledge that we are powerful beings with the capability to change our lives and others’ lives can feel like a lot of responsibility, but when we can learn to understand and appreciate this, we can learn to end the suffering.

    If you would like to learn how to turn this type of emotional misery into Emotional Authenticity I invite you to try out My Complete Emotional Authenticity Method.

    Additional solutions:

    1- My book, Your Journey To Success

    2- My Youtube Channel

    3- My Blog

    4- My Complete Emotional Authenticity Method

    5- My Perfectly Imperfect Private Group

    6- My Private Coaching

    Watch the video and learn even more:

    [embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIJYNrO1fiM[/embedyt]

  • How To Silence Your Inner Critic

    How To Silence Your Inner Critic

    it is human to make mistakes. But for many of us, we get caught belittling and demeaning ourselves internally for these perfect imperfections. Yet, being able to admit and accept them is part of the healing journey. So, in today’s Best Day Blog article, I will help you move from emotional misery to Emotional Authenticity.

    To achieve this we will look back on how you categorized your memories with messages that you were somehow bad, broken, or not good enough. We will use the ‘3 R’s’ and the ‘3 C’s’ to help help you see them for what they really were – perfectly imperfect moments in your life.

    The 3 R’s

    They are: remove, remedy, and recognize.

    Remove the mantras.

    When we have an inner critic, we have specific mantras that we say to ourselves repeatedly – things like ‘What were you thinking?’ ‘Why did I do that?’ These are self-shaming and victimizing mantras and phrases that we belittle ourselves with. These are things that we have learned from our parents – more so, they are usually things that your parents have said to you when growing up – ‘You’re smarter than that!’, ‘Don’t be stupid!’. Perhaps you’ve not been aware of these at all before, so if you have become entirely detached from this, then I recommend, for the next week, every time you make a mistake, pay attention to what you say to yourself and write down the phrase or mantra that runs through your mind. There will be around 3-5 that they use all the time for most. These mantras have become what they believe is their truth about themselves and how they are.

    Remedy the problem.

    Once you’ve made your list of mantras, it’s time to give them back – to give the pain back – to your parents. Not because you want them to feel pain, but because it was never yours to carry. Spend some time thinking about which mantras you have created from an inner knowing. For example, I always knew my father would not be able to have an open and frank discussion with me, so, if I was upset, my mantra became ‘What’s the point?’

    So when I find myself thinking, ‘what’s the point?’ I give the pain back by saying something like, ‘I love you, Dad. I know you were doing the best you could, but this is your pain, and I will not carry it for you anymore. I’m sad you were never taught or allowed to heal your pain, but this is not my responsibility. It is yours, so I give it back to you.’

    Recognize yourself.

    Now that you’ve cleared away the emotional misery from the past, it’s time to replace it and bring in our authentic selves. The way we do this is by recognizing ourselves. I suggest creating gratitude and accomplishment lists. Express gratitude for everything great in your life AND everything about who you are. If you feel like there isn’t anything you like about yourself, here is a tip, even the act of undertaking this work, is commendable! Be grateful that you’re trying and add this to your list.

    If you feel there is nothing to be grateful for, particularly about yourself, take a moment to pause. This is not true. That is a mantra you are using that needs to be given back. First, recognize this fact and give it back to whoever gave it to you. Then, ask, ‘If I was never to think or feel this mantra again, what would I recognize and be grateful for?’. Try listing 3 of these each day.

    The 3 C’s

    They are: confirm your with, connect with your abilities and clarity.

    Confirm your worth.

    When we get shamed, we get sent a message that we do not have worth and that our needs and wants don’t matter. Make a list of your needs and wants, and think about the times you asked for your needs and wants but were rebuffed. Then, put a plan in place to give yourself these things and confirm your worth to yourself – whatever makes you feel worthy, do it.

    Connect with your abilities.

    When a child is shamed or belittled, as well as suppressing their needs and wants, they also learn that it’s not ok to pursue their abilities – this is part of The Worst Day Cycle which causes us to suppress who we are to survive. Think back – can you remember when your parents shouted at you when you wanted their attention? Do you see you attempted to express your needs and wants? The yelling made it clear, that your needs and wants are a problem for them. As such, you start to learn not to ask for your needs and wants, which leads to an inability to connect with your abilities.

    So, now you have your gratitude and accomplishments written down and understand your needs and wants, you can start to put a plan in place to reconnect with yourself and your abilities. Pick one small thing you can do each day to reconnect with yourself, and you will start to understand your needs and wants more and more. This is all about taking small steps to begin re-loving yourself.

    Clarity.

    Learn about The Worst Day Cycle – I write about it in my book ‘Your Journey to Success’ because we have to know what causes the inner critic, where it came from, why we have it and how to stop it and turn it around. This book will provide clarity on The Worst Day Cycle, and the only way to gain clarity is to gain knowledge! If you’re not sure about the book just yet, I have many videos on my YouTube channel that will help you understand more. In addition, my 5-part series, called ‘Reclaim Your Authentic Self by Becoming Trauma-Informed,’ will take you through aspects of The Worst Day Cycle and clarify the who, what, why, when, and how of the inner critic.

    Ultimately, letting go of our inner critic is all about converting the emotional misery of the past into Emotional Authenticity in the present. When we put a plan in place and become experts, we regain ourselves and our lives. If you are struggling to accomplish this and want to learn the entire process of Emotional Authenticity, this will show you how. The Complete Emotional Authenticity Method

    Additional solutions:

    1- My book, Your Journey To Success

    2- My Youtube Channel

    3- My Blog

    4- My Complete Emotional Authenticity Method

    5- My Perfectly Imperfect Private Group

    6- My Private Coaching

    Watch the Inner Critic video here:

    [embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9Oigg5OSj8[/embedyt]

  • How to Overcome Your Limiting Beliefs

    How to Overcome Your Limiting Beliefs

    Think about a limiting belief you have right now. What is it? “I’m not attractive,” “I’m not smart,” “I’m not thin enough,” “I don’t make enough money,” whatever it may be. Do you notice when you think about that limiting belief that the feeling is very negative? It matches with the negative thought. That is because a belief is when our thoughts and our feelings line up.

    Now try and change it. Tell yourself “I’m beautiful,” “I’m intelligent,” “I’m sexy,” “I’m rich,” whatever – you’ll notice the feeling hasn’t changed. You don’t feel more attractive, smart, fit, powerful. That’s at the heart of every limiting belief and this is why personal development programs produce limited results. They all teach that we need to change the way we think about ourselves, but no amount of thinking will change what we feel; until we gain Emotional Authenticity, we will never conquer our limiting beliefs.

    Why do limiting beliefs happen?

    The first thing to recognize is how the brain and bodywork. With every piece of information we ever take in, whether we see, smell, touch or taste it, we first have an emotional reaction. That is because all incoming information checks our emotional centers first. Our brain is checking our previous emotional experiences so they can be categorized. All this happens well before we are cognitively aware. Because in the past you got sent the message that you’re not capable or smart or beautiful. You are replaying those feelings. That is why when you try to talk positively, you can’t believe it. The previously unhealed feeling is more powerful. Therefore, we all become what we feel, not what we think. If you have limiting beliefs, you have to shift the way you feel. Limiting beliefs are part of The Worst Day Cycle. I share that full process in my book, Your Journey To Success.

    How do you change previous emotional experiences? Begin healing The Worst Day Cycle!

    Step one

    Step one is to learn about your feelings. At the top of my website www.thegreatnessuniversity.com inside the tab titled “free content,” you’ll find a feelings wheel. Print it off and start tracking your feelings a few times a day over the next 3-5 days. This will help you become able to identify how your limiting beliefs are associated with emotion and will help you put a name to those emotions. When you become aware of which feelings are creating your thoughts, you become more able to start progressing in the process of healing your pain.

    Step Two

    Once you check in on your feelings ask yourself where in your body you are feeling those emotions. This step is critical because we store those traumatic emotional memories physically in our bod. Our physical and mental health are so closely entwined to negative feelings, we start to feel them in places in our bodies. This could be the tension that you hold in your shoulders when the limiting belief presents itself or it could be a stomachache, which is really common in anxious children. It could be a headache, cold-like symptoms, fatigue, muscle strain, arthritis, chronic pain or any number of other ailments. Become aware of how these feelings are actually affecting your health.

     Step three

    3. The third step is to ask yourself when was your first memory of that feeling associated with your limiting belief? For most people over thirty, you’ll remember something within the last one to five years. Write it down. Then ask yourself about your next memory and write it down, and then your next and your next until you can’t go any further. You’re going to see you’ve been repeating this limiting belief for decades. Eventually, you’re going to arrive at an original moment in childhood when you experienced this hurtful emotional event that has caused you to create your limiting belief. It’s likely to have been your parents or caregivers who taught you to have these feelings. This means your parent’s perfect imperfections and their own unhealed pain was placed into you, it created this limiting belief that you have been carrying for them all of these years. You have just discovered  The Worst Day Cycle and how you have been replaying the pain from the past for most of your life.

     Journey To Success

    Unfortunately, the process is far too long to go through in a single article, I wrote my book Your Journey To Success based on this cycle. But, I have resources to help. If you go back to my website www.thegreatnessuniversity.com and the same tab “free content,”  you’ll find another free download called 10 Simple Steps to Heal Emotional Pain. It walks you through the complete process to heal and shift that emotional pain.

    You’re going to learn to take those hurtful moments that have left you defeated, frustrated, and stuck for decades and create new feelings, thoughts, and beliefs that work for you. It was somebody else’s pain that was dumped into you, and you’ve been carrying it for far too many years. You’re going to learn how to give it back to them. With those feelings no longer plaguing you, it becomes possible to say, “I’m beautiful,” “I’m intelligent,” “I’m sexy,” “I’m rich,” or whatever else you desire and believe them. You’ll now be able to create the appropriate feeling authentically.

    Remember: we become what we feel, not what we think. The Emotional Authenticity process of healing The Worst Day Cycle provides you with the knowledge, skills, and tools to create the beliefs that can change your life for the better and overcome your limiting beliefs.

    Are you looking for more solutions? Pick the one that suits your needs best!

    1- My Book, Your Journey To Success
    2- My Complete Emotional Authenticity Method
    3- My Perfectly Imperfect Private Group
    4- My Private Coaching

    Learn more here:

  • How to be “The Shark” in a Room Full of Sharks!

    How to be “The Shark” in a Room Full of Sharks!

    As our business culture continues to change and become less and less people-focused with the use of the internet and cell phones. Face-to-face interactions are becoming increasingly pivotal to our success.

    However, if we aren’t sufficiently prepared and equipped, our chances of thriving in a room full of Sharks are severely compromised. Do you think you have what it takes to keep from being their chum? Today I will show you how to become the Shark in every room you enter.

    How to defeat a Shark?

    To understand how to defeat a Shark, we have to understand what makes us fail in their presence. There are primarily two reasons.

    First mistake

    The first mistake is the most common. This happens when we try and overpower or make ourselves more significant than the other Sharks by talking louder, talking over, or employing any maneuver that publicly tries to shame or humiliate the other Sharks.

    Ask yourself a question, “Who is my best friend, and more importantly, why?” The simple answer is that their actions showed you they were solid, reliable, and we feel a sense of safety, of being known.

    As a result, we all instinctively pull away and become guarded around anyone who makes it all about them. The consequence of making it all about ourselves is that the brightest Shark now knows we’re the weaker.

    The one trying to be the biggest is synonymous with the schoolyard bully. While the bully was scary when we were younger, as adults, we all know that it only takes the smallest of pricks to pop their balloons.

    Most common mistake

    The other most common mistake is feeling insecure. How often have you found yourself questioning whether you even belong?

    This is common for us all, and when we are stuck in this shameful state, the resulting internal thoughts and questions are so negative we become certain every Shark can see right through us.

    These thoughts and feelings lead us to avoid direct contact, put off communications, meetings, share information, or anything that we think might expose us to being found out.

    We are convinced she will know we are a fraud, so we decide, “what’s the point? Why should I even try? I can’t ever be like her!” Or the most common phrase I hear from even my most successful clients, “I feel like I don’t deserve it!”

    5 step process – Room full of sharks

    To overcome being the chum in the water for other Sharks requires Emotional Authenticity. Here is 5 step process that you can start to employ on your journey to gain it.

    Step 1

    Step 1 takes place before we even enter the room. The adage holds for a reason, It’s TRUE! We become whom we associate with.

    If you can’t find quality people around you, then you need to borrow some. Find a Shark you want to emulate or find an expert to teach you how to overcome your feelings of insecurity. The internet is a great place to start. Sharks like Warren Buffet, Mark Cuban, Tony Robbins, Oprah…the list is endless.

    There are thousands of Sharks prowling the waters of the internet. Consume everything they say and do, watch them, become them in your version.

    If you have a weakness in a specific area, hire an expert to teach you. Studies show visual learning or modeling of others is the quickest way to learn a new skill. Learn by sitting across from the skill you want to become.

    Step 2

    The next step is both subtle and cunning. The most important thing we can do upon entering a room of Sharks to disarm them has to do with our physicality. Only 7% of all communication is verbal, more than 50% is done with our bodies.

    If we don’t know how to walk, stand or project ourselves, too “Be” and feel our body, every Shark in the room will instinctively take bites out of us as we walk past. They will feel our insecurity.

    We can lock their jaws simply by the way we enter the room. Once there, settle into a group or even a single Shark and further your disarming by mirroring and matching their body language, tone and dialect so you can silently and instantly gain rapport.

    After a few minutes of following their lead, initiate a subtle physical movement or dialect change and see if they follow. If they follow. you have them completely disarmed, and like a snake charmer, you can begin extracting their venom without their realizing it.

    Step 3

    Step three swims in unison with the previous two. While we are mirroring and matching, If we feel negative about ourselves, our self-talk will be negative, and they will feel it.

    You see, our amygdala is specifically designed to sense fear subconsciously even before we ever register it consciously. We have all had the experience of walking past a stranger and just feeling something was “off.”

    That is precisely the message you will be sending the other Shark if you don’t make Emotional Authenticity the cornerstone of your preparation.

    Step 4

    Now that we have raised your standards, our presence is commanding, and our feelings are clear, you are ready to circle your prey once again. This next circling is done when we learn how to listen correctly. It starts with the realization that if we’re the ones talking, we’re also the ones bleeding! He who speaks the least bleeds the least!

    Step 5

    Remember, only 7% of all communication is verbal, but if we listen carefully, that 7% can tell us almost everything we need to know. Here is the trick to understanding words.

    Nearly every word we choose is chosen to communicate an emotion, a feeling but since most of us were raised to avoid emotions, we don’t know this. Think back to your last business conversation. Even as they discussed their sales process, buying process, and decision-making process.

    whatever process it was, how many times did they pick a word that communicated a feeling? If you replay the conversation, you will see it was countless times because, as humans, nearly every thought is started by a feeling, which gets intellectualized by thoughts, and from those thoughts, we choose an action. We relate to this constant loop of feeling, then thought, then action.

    Examples

    One of the most straightforward examples to demonstrate this is the Shark, who says, “I never let emotions get in the way of business.”

    Wow, he just completely exposed his flank to you. Look at the words he chose. “Get in the way.” He just told you that he sees his emotions as a roadblock. Our single greatest asset in the decision-making process he feels afraid of, so he avoids the construction zone.

    But, in a pressure situation, he just told you that because he has no mastery of his emotions, his emotions WILL get the best of him, and he will only be able to arrive at a few limited answers.

    Is that someone you want to partner with or do business with? By being in touch with your own emotions and knowing how to listen correctly, you have just witnessed a Shark gut itself for you.

    Now that the water is nearly crimson, we move on to the final step. As a general rule, Sharks are inherently self-focused. These traits are often born out of a tremendous sense of inadequacy, a feeling of not being good enough, and a fear of letting anyone find that out.

    That is not a criticism but a reality born out of the human condition.

    We have all experienced tremendous pain in our lives. Therefore narcissistic traits become a natural survival/coping skill to protect us from the devastating effects and feelings of that pain.

    I know because I struggled with this myself. The resulting shame, anger, fear, and denial become excellent short-term motivators and create a tremendous drive to quench our thirst for the relevance we did not get as children.

    But like the rocket boosters on the space shuttle, shame, anger, fear, and denial are a limited fuel sources, and eventually, they burn out, and everything comes crashing back to earth!

    Unhealed feelings

    Those unhealed feelings are the single reason our lives are where they are today. See, every one of us chooses our spouse, career, hobbies…everything we do to reconcile an emotion that we haven’t yet reconciled from our childhood. Ever notice how we all pick the same “type’ of a partner who reminds us of the powerlessness of our youth?

    How about situations in business?

    Do our deals, coworkers, partners, and adversaries trigger the same frustrations as our childhood? All of those directly result from our subconscious screaming at us to reconcile a trauma we experienced and have yet to gain Emotional Authenticity over. Until we face and deal with those hurts.

    We will set our lives up in a way that forces us to relive them. Sadly, most of us never address them because we were told things like “don’t show your emotions, don’t have them, and by God, don’t you dare talk about them.”

    So ultimately, if we want to be “The Shark” and set ourselves apart, the answer lies in our ability to face and overcome the painful feelings from our past.

    So how do we do that?

    We begin by asking ourselves questions about every action we take. Questions like:

    What did I feel when I made that choice?

    When was the first time I felt this?

    Why does this current feeling mirror the powerlessness, frustration, and abandonment…just like the first time I experienced it?

    is that affecting my ability to perform and make the right decisions in my business?

    How much more will it cost me if I continue to deny, suppress, justify, minimize, and ignore healing this painful feeling from my past?

    If I continue to put off gaining Emotional Authenticity over it for another month, six months, 12 months? Am I willing to pay that cost?”

    These types of thought-provoking questions allow us to gain tremendous clarity into exactly how the unhealed emotions from the past impact every decision we make in every area of our lives.

    They force us to make a choice. Are we ready to do what it takes to become the Shark we know we are capable of being?

    New studies show that 90% of all top performers score high on emotional intelligence. Emotional Authenticity is the “It Factor” only a top Shark will possess. If we have Emotional Authenticity, others will FEEL our power as we swim past.

    All corny metaphors aside, If you are looking for more information on how I can help you achieve more success personally and professionally, it can be found at:

    https://www.thegreatnessuniversity.com/

    or

    http://kennyweiss.net/

  • Your Trauma Is Affecting Your Manifestations

    Your Trauma Is Affecting Your Manifestations

    The inability to manifest our dreams or activate the law of attraction is trauma. It’s always trauma. Specifically, childhood developmental trauma is in our way.

     

    What the research shows

     

    The groundbreaking Adverse Childhood Experiences study shows that at least 70% of us have been through at least one traumatic event as a child. Of that 70%, 88% have been through two or more traumatic events. Famed cell biologist, Dr. Bruce Lipton, points out that 70% of all the messaging we receive in childhood is negative, self-sabotaging, and hurtful.

    If you listen to the participants posing questions at an Abraham-Hicks or other teachers of the law of attraction event, you’ll find one common theme throughout pain. The way and type of questions posed show that there’s always unresolved trauma in the person.

    The barriers to the law of attraction

    The whole premise and teaching method of the law of attraction is to feel what you want. Going back to the research of how the brain and body work under trauma, when we have a traumatic event, especially in childhood, it creates this massive chemical explosion within our body and becomes ‘known’ in our body. This “knowing” makes an emotional chemical addiction repeat that painful experience.

    Because it takes tremendous energy for our brain to work, the brain’s solution is to conserve energy by repeating things it has already done. It doesn’t care if it’s been bad for us – it doesn’t know right from wrong – it just defaults to the position that a known experience is a lot better than an unknown experience. So it’s always trying to avoid anything unknown and trying to repeat what it knows so it can rest.

    Unfortunately, when we look at the Abraham-Hicks responses to questions that have so much pain behind them, trauma is never addressed, and that’s because if someone is not an expert in trauma, they won’t be able to recognize it as a barrier. The trauma that is underlying these people’s conditions is therefore left unresolved. That unresolved trauma keeps the audience from creating the “feeling” required to manifest their dreams. Therefore, those unable to latch onto manifestation cannot do so because of their childhood traumas.

    The key to manifesting what we want is the ability to have Emotional Authenticity because no matter what somebody’s struggle is, whether that’s a career, relationship, or anything else, it all goes back to our emotions. Because of the way our brain and body work, it’s always a feeling before a thought. Therefore, thought-based programs aren’t the solution and will have minimal effect.

    Now, where do we learn about our feelings? Where do we get our perceptions and learn how to make determinations about our feelings? From childhood. From our parents. So the bottom line is this: if something isn’t working in our life, it all goes back to our childhood, the traumas we experienced, and the feelings that became programmed, and we are stuck repeating against ourselves. The stored traumatic feelings are what get in the way, so the question becomes:

     

    How do you turn it around?

     

    1. Become an expert in the ability to evaluate your own life. Understand how you are reliving your trauma against yourself. Because that’s what we’re doing, we’re subconsciously putting ourselves in situations that replay our traumatic experiences because of that desire our brain has to reuse information. So, we need to become aware. Most people will say that they have never experienced childhood trauma, but that’s a lack of awareness. Trauma presents itself in different ways, and it’s essential to dive into your personal trauma.

    An example of childhood trauma could be your parents mishandling finances, putting pressure on you to take on adult responsibilities at too young, or creating an experience of food insecurity. Of course, not all trauma is abusive. However, these traumas affect how you interact with related problems in the future – maybe you’re not good with money, struggle to maintain positive relationships, or have a poor understanding of food. Once you are aware of how these traumas affect your daily life, you’ll be able to start moving forward.

    1. Practice Emotional Authenticity. When you understand your emotions, you’re better able to find solutions to moments where you feel off-balance. Maybe the solutions you usually go for won’t work, but how will you know unless you are indeed an expert in evaluating your life?

    The law of attraction isn’t always about getting something. It’s about learning to gain Emotional Authenticity so we can create. Suppose you can spend the time digging through your trauma and reprogramming your subconscious, and learning to develop positive emotional responses to things. In that case, you’re not going to see things negatively anymore. Intuition and emotion are the keys to success in life.

    It’s not all about manifestation and dreaming all day, though. It’s about putting in hard work to master your emotions, to understand your trauma, and to move forward. You’ll start to notice that positive things begin to come once you do these things. That’s how you create the law of attraction. Your recovery is the ‘doing’ part of healing, but once you get there, it’s all about simply ‘being.’

     

    Exercises that will help you succeed

     

    Two free exercises are available to download under ‘Resources” on my website. http://kennyweiss.net/resources/ 

    The first is called “How To Remove Feeling Rejected’. This isn’t just about rejection; it goes deeper than that. Any time somebody says something or does something to you, it might feel like a personal attack. What they say is one thing, but what you hear is another – you don’t have enough worth. It’s not what they are saying, but it’s how you perceive it. This is proof of childhood trauma. And this journey book will help you overcome that.

    The second is called “How To Heal From Codependence. Giving the pain back.” This one will walk you through the much deeper process of healing many of the traumatic moments you’ve been through.

    You may need a professional like me to help guide you through your recovery, (you can learn more here. http://kennyweiss.net/coaching/) but these will allow you the opportunity to start on your own.

    The most difficult and important step in manifesting the life you want is to take ownership of what you have been through in childhood. Acknowledging that your parents were perfectly imperfect and left wounds in you does not mean that they were terrible parents, only that they are human. It is loving to ourselves and our parents to live in truth.

    Enjoy The Journey ??

    To Learn More, Watch The Video Here: