Author: emergent_migration

This is the fifth and final segment in the series on stopping stress. We’ve come a long way so far! In the first segment, we learned that the clinical definition of stress is actually fear. That’s why people are not overcoming their stress, or I should say fear because the media and medical communities are not dealing with the root problem. Instead, they offer topical solutions like pills and other “band-aids” Instead of providing us with Emotional Authenticity.

We then learned that fear is always one of three things;

1- The fear of rejection.

2- The fear of inadequacy.

3- The fear of powerlessness.

In the previous segments, we walked through what causes these fears and how to overcome them.

In this final article, I want to give you real-life examples of how you can use the R.I.P. acronym to help you conquer stress at any point in life.

The first example I will use is the mask debate. Should we wear one? Should we not wear one? Everyone’s on different sides. People get very stressed out when someone either wears a mask or doesn’t wear one. So, the first thing we do is use the R.I.P. acronym. If someone is or isn’t wearing a mask, ultimately ask what am I feeling? Is it rejection, inadequacy, or powerlessness? Primarily this would fall under powerlessness. Remember, we can’t control others. So, we will need to shift our focus from what we can’t control to what we can.

Now that I recognize I am feeling powerless, what else might I be feeling? Inadequate because I don’t have the skills, tools, and knowledge to convince this person whether they should wear a mask or not. Ultimately, along with the inadequacy and powerlessness, now I am feeling rejection. This is my internal process showing me how I feel about myself and is predicated on whether they accept my reality of the mask debate as to their own.

What’s the solution when we start to feel powerless? Every time we want to control someone and have them do what we want, we focus on what we can’t change. Remember, we can’t control people, places, or things. The only person, place, or thing we can control is ourselves. The first place to start is to focus on when we are upset by someone going against what we want them to do. We stop and switch our focus from controlling them to controlling ourselves. Instead of getting them to wear a mask or not wearing a mask,  we could decide to go to places where people wear masks or places where people don’t.

Now that we control ourselves, we eliminate the stressful situation by focusing on what we can change. Therefore we never put ourselves in that stressful situation. Now I no longer feel inadequate. I have the skills, tools, and knowledge to do what is right for me. I have created recognition within myself, and therefore, I no longer fear rejection.

The following example is about relationships. I struggled with relationships before I did years of research and self-reflection work. If we are dating someone and they start ghosting or not returning messages, this can stir up feelings of rejection. My biggest fear would be the thought, “What if she doesn’t like me?” I would start feeling inadequate because I couldn’t figure out what she wanted so I could try to get her to like me. Then I would begin to feel powerless! All three fears can be experienced in these situations and really get us worked up.

This is the point where we need to do some work on ourselves. We must recognize we are powerless over others and need to get back to focusing on what we can control. Like choosing to pursue someone who returns our calls and maybe even promptly! We mustn’t give ourselves away by chasing them and doing things against our morals and values. We try so hard to get them to like us that we end up lowering our self-esteem! Now, we are learning the skills, tools, and knowledge to fulfill our own needs and wants adequately. We are also learning how to stay in line with our morals and values. This will cause the stress to melt away, and a new you will emerge. Doing what works best for us gives us our power back.

This last example is one that I really struggled with, and it is about finances. I would get caught up in thinking, “I need more work, need to work harder, need more clients, how do I generate more cash flow?” and would find myself spiraling into the fear of rejection and powerlessness. I realized that I couldn’t control whether people wanted to get help or not; there was nothing I could do about that.

I am all too familiar with waiting until the pain is so overwhelming that we finally are motivated to do something about it. That’s how I started researching and working on myself. So, I learned that I would have to focus on what I can control. That’s why I wrote a book, “Your Journey to Success,” why I do videos, started recovery groups, and write these articles. I enjoy talking about how to heal the pain and overcome obstacles that keep us stuck, also passionate about it; talk about it non-stop.

I have attained the skills, tools, and knowledge to talk about these topics and feel that I am walking in my destiny. My life has changed so much. I want to shout it from the rooftop! It truly brings me joy to share the knowledge that I have acquired. Therefore, when I find myself in fear of R.I.P. I focus my attention on what I can control. I can do a video, do more research, or reach out to a client I haven’t heard from in a while. When I focus on what I can control, my finances take care of themselves.

That’s a wrap. You now have the simple to use steps to stop stress as you embark on your Emotional Authenticity journey.‌‌

Are you looking for more solutions? Pick the one that suits your needs best!

1- My Book, Your Journey To Success
2- My Complete Emotional Authenticity Method
3- My Perfectly Imperfect Private Group
4- My Private Coaching

Learn more here:

In Part IV, we will cover the most prevalent fear of all, the fear of powerlessness. I will explain the three signs of experiencing a period of powerlessness and the solutions to get through them.

So, what is fear powerlessness, and where does it come from? Well, it comes from attachment. You see, we are the only species on this planet where we must be physically and emotionally attached to another human being, or we will die; our survival depends on it. There are many moments in childhood where our sense of self, what I call our authenticity, is challenged. In other words, our parents imparted their views on us. For instance, so many of us heard things like, “If you don’t stop crying, I will give you something to really cry about!” Or, “Children are to be seen and not heard.” Comments like these make it clear we cannot express our authentic selves. But, of course, we could not prevent these events, and that’s where we learned the fear of powerlessness for the first time.

What are the three signs that we are experiencing the fear of powerlessness?

The first sign is that we focus on what we can’t control and not what we can control. For example, we are having money trouble, and we spend all day long worrying, “Oh my Gosh, I’m going to go broke and be on the street!” Instead of focusing on a solution. We are stuck reliving the problem, just like when we were a child, believing we have no recourse to defend ourselves. As a result, we find ourselves stuck in the powerless, childlike state, the victim-side of the problem.

The second sign is that we’re giving ourselves away, and going against our morals, values, needs, and wants negotiable’s, and non-negotiables. I will share a story about a client of mine to show how this works. He’s a mortgage guy and gives out gifts to his clients. This week, he came in with some gift ideas; he found someone who sells these nice designer knives. He thought that might be a neat gift. Well, the salesperson was a woman who kept pressuring him to buy. Finally, he started getting afraid and started to back off. I already know his story. His mother controlled every feeling, every action he ever took.

As he tells the story, he is not aware that the pushy saleswoman is triggering memories of his mother, which is why he wants to back off. So he tells her, “I need to talk this over with my wife.” He then goes to his wife and asks her, “Hey, I have an idea about these designer knives. What do you think?” She immediately says, “No.” I asked him, “So, what did you do?” He says, “Oh, I didn’t do it.” I asked him, “Did you see what just happened?“.

He was just in a position with two women, and he gave himself away. His morals and values were in line with the knives being a great gift. It was his need and want to share that gift with his clients. It was negotiable and the right thing to do for him. Instead of honoring himself, he acted just like he had as a child and repeated his fear of powerlessness. He gave himself away to please the woman in his life (now his wife) and never realized he was acting just like he did as a child.

The final way powerlessness expresses itself is the inability to say no. Most people can’t say no to others because they feel it’s rude, think it’s mean, or selfish. This belief originated in childhood because, in essence, we could never say no to our parents. This leaves us feeling that we are selfish or bad if we think of ourselves or that all we’re ever supposed to do are things for other people.

What is the solution?

The first thing to do is to make two lists. On one, we list all of the people, places, and things we can’t control. We can’t control people’s actions, choices, or feelings, nor can we control how the world works. But I can control my thoughts, my feelings, and my actions. I am responsible for everything I do, and those items go on the second list. We do this so that when we are stuck in the self victimizing powerless state of thinking.

“Oh my Gosh! I’m going to go broke.” Next, we can switch to questions that empower us and focus on what we can control. Questions like, “how can I make money?  What are my options? What can I control?” I can reach out to previous clients, check-in, and see how they’re doing in my situation. They might respond, “Oh my Gosh! My husband and I just got in a fight. Can we come and see you?” I have just generated a solution and empowered myself by focusing on what I can control and not what I can’t control.

The second solution is to define my morals, values, needs, wants, negotiables, and non-negotiables. This works because we go through every area of our life, friendships, relationships, career, hobbies, spirituality, and every aspect of our life. Such as, do you believe in monogamy? Do you think you’re supposed to live together before you get married? Is it okay to have sex before marriage or wait until marriage? Do you want to have sex once a week, once a year, once a day? Sadly, most people don’t know their morals, values, needs, and wants and just relive what their parents told them to believe. No wonder so many people feel powerless.

The second solution is learning the criteria for when to say no. The key is a shift in what it means to be kind and loving. Most relationships, whether they’re business or personal, end with both sides lamenting, “I did this for them, and they never gave me that.” In other words, both feel they were the giving one, and it wasn’t returned. So what does that tell you? All of those things we’re doing are in the hopes that we get something in return. To put it bluntly, that means we have all been taught to do things for others to manipulate, getting something in return. That’s not doing something for someone else out of kindness or love because unless it is returned, we’re going to make them pay for it. That is how we make ourselves powerless.

Therefore, before we ever say yes to anyone for anything, we need to ask ourselves these three questions:

1.) Am I going to keep score?

2.) Am I going to throw it in their face?

3.) Will this ever lead to resentment?

If we think any of those things will happen, we need to say no! Otherwise, we’re going to throw it back in their face, and we’ll realize we gave our power away.

If you have a hard time saying the word no, I will share a magic phrase that works every time.  Instead of saying no, you can just say, “That doesn’t work for me.” It is magic because they can’t argue with that. Let me show you. They might say things like, “What do you mean it doesn’t work for?” You just say, “Well, it just doesn’t work for me.” They may ask, “So what part of it doesn’t work for you?” You can reaffirm, “It just doesn’t work for me.” You don’t have to explain yourself because you’re no longer a child. We don’t have to defend why we don’t want to do something. It is enough that it just doesn’t work for us. It gives us complete ownership and prevents us from giving ourselves away. Taking responsibility is empowering. So, there are your solutions to the fear of powerlessness.

I will combine these concepts and tie them up with a bow in Part 5. So, don’t miss the final segment of this 5 Part Series on how to stop the stress!

Are you looking for more solutions? Pick the one that suits your needs best!

1- My Book, Your Journey To Success
2- My Complete Emotional Authenticity Method
3- My Perfectly Imperfect Private Group
4- My Private Coaching

Learn more here:

In Part III of this 5-part series to stop stress, we will cover what causes the fear of inadequacy, the main signs, and the solutions to getting out of the fear of inadequacy.

What causes the fear of inadequacy?

In those moments when we’re stressed and afraid, what we’re fearing is that we don’t feel we have the skills, tools, or knowledge to do something.  This fear originated in childhood when we were told directly or indirectly that we were somehow incapable of doing something. For many of us, we were left with the feeling that we might be stupid or not “enough.”

Due to our parent’s perfect imperfection, their lack of recognition when we were in our developmental stages is detrimental. I know for me, inadequacy was born with my father. I’ll never forget, I was great in math, so my dad used to say, “You’re going to be an engineer just like me!” But then, once I got into theory, algebra, and geometry, I just couldn’t do it. I’ll never forget the look on my dad’s face while helping me with homework!  I could see his disappointment in me when he looked at me and said, “don’t you get it?”. So I felt so stupid, so inadequate, and I thought, “God, I’m letting my father down! I am just not good enough for him.” But, you see, my father didn’t directly say I was stupid; it was the look on his face—the incredulous tone he used to talk to me that sent that message. Therefore our current stress is pain from our past being brought forth and relived in the present moment. So, think through your own life; where were you sent those messages?

What is the most common way the fear of inadequacy is expressed?

Procrastination is the most common way the fear of inadequacy is expressed. We avoid a task because we ultimately don’t want to experience that inadequate feeling again. Personally, I relive this experience when it comes to marketing my business. I don’t enjoy the process, so I choose not to learn how to do it well. If we lack the knowledge, skills, and tools to do something, the chances are highly likely that we won’t do it well.

How do we overcome the fear of inadequacy?

First Step:

The first step is to identify the source. We accomplish that by making a list of all the feelings that arise whenever we consider learning something new. Then we trace the feelings back to our first experience. What you’re going to find is that they go back to a childhood moment where a parent, a teacher, a football coach, or someone you know said directly or indirectly, “you’re stupid, you’re wrong, or you’re dumb.” Or their expressions, their attitude, and nonverbal communication expressed that sentiment. With this new awareness, we can recognize that procrastinating to learn a new skill or do something new isn’t that we are afraid of learning this new skill or new experience. It’s that we don’t want to relive the feeling of inadequacy. Therefore the solution is to heal the root experience causing the feeling.

Second Step:

The second step requires us to contemplate who’s voice it is so we can give the shame they placed in us back to them! For me, when it comes up in my life, I picture myself right there doing homework. As children, we can’t talk back to our parents, but I imagine myself at that moment looking up at my father, saying, “Dad, I love you, but you can’t talk to me that way; it really hurts me. Can you give me the help that I need and talk to me in a way that’s more kind and loving?” Then, the feeling – I give it back, I protect myself, and say, “No, dad, this doesn’t work for me, this is yours.” It is a reparenting of ourselves, and we regather our self-esteem, which we lost.

Third Step:

Finally, the third step to overcome and stop stress inadequacy fears is to become an expert. To learn about the topics you don’t currently possess, the adequate knowledge, skills, and tools. Studies show that the act of learning is a great way to shift our subconscious, generate a new neural pathway and create a new empowering feeling experience.

Now you have a three-step process to conquer inadequacy. Next, I will be sharing the solutions to the fear of powerlessness. I hope you are enjoying the journey to stop your stress! Here is part 4 related to stop stress.

Are you looking for more solutions? Pick the one that suits your needs best!

1- My Book, Your Journey To Success
2- My Complete Emotional Authenticity Method
3- My Perfectly Imperfect Private Group
4- My Private Coaching

Learn more here:

As you may recall, during Part 1 of this special 5-part series top stop stress, we discovered that both the media and the medical community are misleading us about what stress is. Stress is an emotional condition. Therefore, whenever we experience “stress,” we are experiencing fear we should stop stress.

The next aspect they will not tell you is that fear is always one of these three things: Fear of rejection, inadequacy, or powerlessness. Rest In Peace (R.I.P.) is the acronym to remember. That way, whenever you’re stressed or afraid, you can ask yourself, “Do I fear Rejection, Inadequacy, or Powerlessness?”

Today, we will tackle the fear of rejection and what to do when you feel this emotion. To do that, we will focus on three things.

1.) What causes the fear of rejection.

2.) The seven signs of low self-esteem – (Now, please stay open-minded. If you are uncomfortable with the phrase low self-esteem, then perhaps self-confidence may resonate better with some of you.) No one wants to have low self-esteem. So don’t be hard on yourself. That’s why we’re learning about the fear of rejection.

3.) The solutions to move out of the fear of rejection and deal with this form of stress and should stop stress.

So, let’s talk about what causes the fear of rejection? It comes from looking outside of ourselves for validation. You see, the truth is, no one ever rejects us, ever! It’s not possible! People are just acting on what they believe to be in their best interest. Think about it. If you have ever been dumped, what did they complain about oct reason did they give? They might have said they wanted to have more intimacy or wanted to go on more vacations, or wanted somebody who had this skill or that skill? That’s not a rejection of us; that’s them pursuing their own needs and wants.

So then, why do we feel they are rejecting us? To survive as a species, we must attach to another human being physically and emotionally. The overwhelming responsibility of being a parent means that each parent will experience perfectly imperfect moments when they aren’t available to substantiate us. In those moments, we experienced abandonment. The only solution we had as a child to reconcile that pain was to blame ourselves.

You see, if I blame myself, that means I might be able to fix it, right? It gives me hope that my perfectly imperfect parents will not abandon me if I change. Now, as adults, the thought that “If I’m rejected, I can change or fix it and make you like me” may feel like we have power, but it is false power. It really means we gave away our power to the other person. We just placed their wants and needs above ours, and by pursuing being someone different, we are looking outside of ourselves to validate our worth. Well, the only person that can ever validate us is ourselves. Therefore, by deciding something is wrong with us and blaming ourselves, we are enacting a self-sabotaging process to get power over our childhood pain of abandonment.

Now that we understand how we created our rejection let’s look at how it expresses itself in low self-esteem.

Seven Signs of low self-esteem:

1.) Self-criticism – When a simple mistake is made, a person’s self-talk is highly negative and critical.

2.) Chaotic relationships – due to the unhealed abandonment wound, they experience frequent chaos in relationships.

3.) Defensiveness – The primary instinctual response to feedback or differing opinions becomes defensive.

4.) Chronic Indecision – Not wanting to decide for fear of being wrong. To be “wrong” would trigger the unhealed childhood abandonment.

5.) Perfectionism – The need to be perfect places our value outside ourselves onto someone else. In addition, since perfection is unattainable, we have rejected ourselves before the other person has a chance. The act of self-rejection places us in power.

6.) Feeling anxious, fearful, or angry – Experiencing these feelings in moments is healthy. However, a red flag is getting stuck in them with the inability to process or move through them with moderation.

7.) Poor Communication Skills – This looks like not telling our partner or friends precisely what we need, think, and feel. We also tend to be unable to say “No.” We give ourselves away. We give into things because we fear the loss of the relationship. Again, that’s the need for external validation.

To regain our self-esteem, we have to recognize how we were intentionally or unintentionally abandoned by our perfectly imperfect parents and accept that we are looking outside ourselves for that validation as adults.

To begin developing that validation from within, I suggest doing affirmations. There are two crucial keys to affirmations that some people are unaware of. The first key involves how we write down our affirmations. We don’t want to write, “I want to,” or “I will.” That puts the acknowledgment in the future, which means we will never attain it. Instead, we want to begin the affirmation with, “I have” or “I am.” We have to declare it as truth. We can’t lie to ourselves for those areas we want to gain acceptance of. For instance, if in our view we are overweight, we can’t declare,” I’m skinny.” Instead, we would want to say, “I am willing to be thin.” See the difference?

The second key to using affirmations that many are unaware of is the need to feel them. Because we were abandoned as a child, that feeling is still strong within us. So, we have to replace that negative feeling and soak up the positive feeling of the affirmation.

The second step is to list your accomplishments throughout the day. Because of perfectionism and the inability to make our own choices, we end our day rejecting ourselves by focusing on the minor things we didn’t finish. So, we list our accomplishments at the end of the day to realize how much we have accomplished. I have a client who does this, and she takes it one step further. Throughout her day, she lists everything she does. Simple things like she took a shower. She mopped the floor she answered 15 emails. Every little thing, she affirms herself and no longer rejects herself. She doesn’t expect perfectionism anymore. She can see that she is doing a lot throughout her day.

The third step is self-care. When we fear rejection, we want someone or something to fill the hole inside of ourselves. It is our job to fill that need. Therefore we want to list all the things that bring us joy and do not require others to do for us. Then, the next time that feeling comes up, we want to look at our list and take action on meeting our needs and wants.

You now have the process to overcome the fear of rejection. Coming up next in Part III to stop stress, we will tackle conquering the fear of inadequacy. Here is part 3 to stop stress.

Learn more here:

In today’s world, we are facing extremely high levels of stress. We experience it at work, school, and relationships. Not to mention we are living through a pandemic, have financial strains, and working through political issues. As a result, many of us may self-medicate to “check out” for a while. That is why I have created this special 5-part series to stop stress and how to conquer it.

In part 1, I will share some vital information that both the media and the medical community are hiding from you. Because of the misinformation, they are spreading, stress is increasing, and more importantly, you can’t experience the quiet, pleasant life you deserve.

Before I get started, a slight caveat, when I share this information, pay attention to your emotions. If you want to stop reading or feel you disagree, please keep reading! Because those feelings are most likely what is causing your stress you should stop strss. By continuing to read, you will discover the solution you have been looking for to lower your stress.

The single greatest way that the medical community and the media are depriving you of the ability to conquer and stop stress is they aren’t telling you what stress is and where it comes from. The stress response is activated when anything in our life becomes demanding or overwhelming. It could be our personal life, business life, relationships, parenting, etc.  When our perception of a life situation is overwhelming, it triggers our fight-or-flight response.

What is fight or flight?

Well, it’s an automatic physiological reaction that prepares our body to either fight or run away. So, the truth is, when we are ‘stressed,” we are all actually afraid. This leads to the second way the media and medical community are abandoning us. They have not informed us that we are scared because of previous life experiences, where we developed a negative emotional response to fundamental life challenges or perceived threats. When we experience a similar scenario to our past, it triggers that same emotional response.

Therefore, we are bringing the unhealed pain from the past and reliving it in the present moment.  That leads us to the final way we are misinformed; they are not telling you how to conquer stress. For centuries, we have downplayed the importance of emotions, especially in our medical communities. They still refuse to see our health as a by-product of biology, psychology, and social experiences. They ignore our life experiences and instead treat us like a car engine.

That works great when you have a broken arm, but when it comes to stress/fear, it is akin to a car being out of gas and our Doctor prescribing the spark plugs be changed. They won’t prescribe what we need because medical schools provide no training on trauma, or emotions which we now know play a significant role in all illnesses and diseases. Pills are not the solution. To conquer stress, we need Emotional Authenticity.

Emotional Authenticity:

1.) When we are stressed, we are in fear. It’s an emotional condition.

2.) It starts with emotional experiences endured earlier in life, namely childhood. However, those experiences have never been addressed, so they are brought into the current moment.

3.) The media and medical community deprive us of the real solutions. Because everywhere we look to find ways to deal with and stop stress, there are superficial remedies. None of the television shows, social media sites, or search engines reveal what I just talked about, the root cause.

The real solution is the need for Emotional Authenticity. First, we need to recognize that stress is fear and should stop stress. Then, we need to start calling it what it is – fear. We are afraid.

Remember earlier? I said you might feel the need to stop reading, and I asked you to read until the end. So what did you feel?  Anger, disinterest, skeptical, numb, blank, overwhelmed? Whatever feeling it was, this is your doorway into healing your stress. That is because whenever we see, touch, taste, smell, or hear new information, it automatically triggers the fear response in our brain. We can’t stop that process from happening. So let’s step through that doorway now by learning about the three levels of fear.

Fear is always one of three things:

1.) Fear of rejection.

2.) Fear of inadequacy – meaning we don’t think we have the skills, tools, or knowledge to do something.

3.) Fear of powerlessness.

Now, let’s think about all this new information. What emotion could cause us to want to stop reading? Well, maybe you’re thinking,

“I don’t have the skills, tools, or knowledge to trust this new information.”

This can cause fear of inadequacy. By recognizing that,

“I have never heard this from the media, my doctor, etc.”

Then there might be the thought of not knowing this about myself, or even worse, my Doctor doesn’t have all the training and expertise I thought they had?

“Gosh, I should have known this. If somebody found out I didn’t realize this, they might reject me.

Then, you can ask yourself, when was the first time I felt shame or embarrassment for not having the answer as a child? How was I rejected or shunned for not being perfect?

Now, if we feel inadequate and rejected, what does that make us feel? Powerless! Now look through your life and consider how the dynamics of rejection, inadequacy, and powerlessness are at play in nearly every life experience. Our doctors need to be providing us with this prescription, not pills.

Some of you might be thinking, “Oh my gosh, this resonates with me. What can I do about it?”

In this series, I will provide you with the knowledge, skills, and tools to conquer stress. To start, I want you to think of this as an acronym. Whenever we are stressed, we are afraid, and it is always one of these three fears.

1-The Fear of Rejection

2-The Fear of Inadequacy

3-The Fear of Powerlessness.

R.I.P. Rest In Peace.

Through the rest of this series, I will break down each fear. Then I will give you solutions when any of those “fears” appear in your life. Having this process, the answer the media and medical community won’t give you will make it possible for you to navigate stress/fear and remove it from your life for good.

So, tune in, follow the series, and you will be able to put an end to stress finally!

Learn more here: